Because hey, it’s really no secret that everyone and their mom is trying to land a job in Singapore. Or at least, for Filipinos like me. I’ve been hearing stories about how easy it is to find a job in Singapore since two years ago, from both friends and family. Recently I’ve heard that it’s getting harder to find jobs though, because of the new government rules for hiring foreigners, so I guess it’s now or never, isn’t it?

Surprisingly, it was relatively easy for me to find a job. And I don’t even think it’s because I’m super talented at design or anything; I suppose I just found the right job posting at the right moment.

They were in a hurry to find a graphic designer too, or so I heard, so I consider myself really, really lucky. Fate? I don’t know, but I do believe that to some extent the universe conspires to help us achieve our dreams. A little influence from Paulo Coelho, perhaps, anyone?

I’ve been here for over two months now and I’ve barely even paused to take a breath. First was, of course, the rush to get a job within the span of three months, which is all I can afford to stay in Singapore. I so clearly remember visiting every possible job website I could find and applying for every job where my credentials even remotely fits their requirements. Saturdays also meant buying the Strait Times, an English newspaper in Singapore that posted tons of job ads at the end of the week. And then there was the part-tiem job that could only barely pay for the expenses I was incurring. I couldn’t buy a lot of stuff, I was so conscious of the prices of things I’ve been buying, I sometimes even skipped meals just so I could keep being within budget! So getting the call that I was being offered a job was a total relief.

And then friends from Manila came over and I went on a shopping binge wherein I spent almost 900 SGD. Yikes.

In any case, the experience, although hectic and stressful, is something I welcome with open arms. Cliché, yes, but sometimes that’s the best way to put certain things into words. Part of the reason why I decided to travel, after all, was because I was bored of the monotony of my life and the desire to experience something new. Staying in one spot my entire life is something I couldn’t do, I think; traveling a lot when I was a child, living in two places I both call home (Saudi Arabia and the Philippines), did play a part in my desire to be moving constantly, be in someplace else, somewhere else, and not stuck and unmoving.

At this point in life I can say, I’m content. I’m not sure how long I’ll stay content before something in me urges me to move somewhere else again, experience something new, live someplace else, but for now I think I’m happy in this place. It can admittedly get a bit lonely at times, and I do miss my family and friends back in the Philippines, but because there are so many ways to keep in touch right now, from email to twitter to skype, I feel that we’re not that far away.

And when we think that, no matter where we are in the world, we still see the same sky and breathe the same air, makes me think that maybe we’re actually much more closer and interconnected than we think.

Occasionally there would come a time when people reflect on their lives and wonder what they’re supposed to do in a world of endless possibilities. Saying “endless possibilities” seems like such a positive thing, but at the same time it also poses a problem: Too many choices makes one confused and unsure of which one in particular they should take. What’s “right” for me? Which path should I take? What am I meant to do? That question is all-too common, and I’m sure almost everyone has had the same thoughts as I am having right now.

And this post isn’t really to give out advice; there’s none of that kind, actually. It’s just me writing down my thoughts and feelings at this point in my life. A quarter-life crisis, if you may.

When I was in college, the possibilities seemed endless. Right now though, the reality of life is slowly setting in, and I’m realizing that it’s not easy to even know what I really want in life. I know a few things, though. One, is that I’m not meant for a place in the HR business. I used to work for an HR Outsourcing company and I cried often because of the pressure and because it’s not really helping me develop the things I really want to develop. Two, is that I don’t really know what I want to develop. Everything I’ve been doing so far is work, every day I go through the same motions and I keep thinking again and again that my life is too monotonous.

I want to find something to do that makes me want to get up every morning without sighing heavily and feeling a sense of tiredness even when the day has barely started. I want to break out of the monotony of life, to look forward to something. I guess, if I were to be cliché, I could simply state that “I want to feel alive”. Right now in my life the things I do is something I need to do, out of obligation, because I need money, because I’ll get fired if I don’t. But I’m not searching for that. I’m searching for something I want to do. And not knowing what I really want to do is a truly scary feeling.

I want to be bigger than I am right now, so that when people hear my name it wouldn’t just be another name of another person that would soon be forgotten, another piece of fleeting information processed in the brain and then soon discarded. I don’t know how to do it, but I don’t want to just sit here wondering and repeatedly asking myself a question I can’t find an answer to.

In a few months, I’ll be moving to Singapore. It could either be the best or worst decision I’m going to make, but I think I’m leaning towards the former. In Singapore I would be free from everything I’m used to having. Over here, I’ve already constructed this image of myself and my life, because of my decisions and also because of the things around me that influenced me. When I go to a new country, I’ll lose all of that. I’m starting from scratch. And I don’t mean just the job, but my own identity. I can reconstruct it if I want to; no one knows me there so no one’s going to tell me “hey, this isn’t the person you are”. I’ll be another stranger in another country until I form new relationships and explore new possibilities and not become a stranger any longer. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I get there, or what to expect. I find that setting expectations makes the breaking down easier when those expectations aren’t fulfilled.

Actually, that’s the one thing that drives me right now: The possibility that soon I will be free of everything. I’ve depended on people and relied too much on who I’m supposed to be based on the environment I’m so used to being surrounded with. Soon I won’t have that, and now that I think about it, it doesn’t scare me at all. I’m excited to start anew, because hey, as I read from someone before “life is a mess”. If that’s the case, then why bother living in a box anyway? I’ll just go out there and grab every opportunity I want to grab, without anyone telling me whether I’m wrong or right. A new country is the perfect place to do so, I suppose. So I just need to stop worrying and just jump in. So what if there are too many choices in the world? I’ll just go with the flow. And maybe one day I can return to this entry and be relieved that this phase I’m undergoing is over, and hopefully, that me in the future will be someone the me in the present would truly have wanted to be.

Food trip at old college

Jaja's birthday

Auj in Manila

Birthday at Rockefeller

Diane, Kat, Jaja

Oysters!

Auji's Wedding

First wedding from our group of friends!

And after that, food trip for Kara's birthday

And yesterday, though we failed to take pics, we also went back to Shiok at The Fort for a nice Singaporean dinner, then to Sol Gelato for dessert. Wasn’t that satisfied with their Snickers flavor but I did like the dark chocolate one that Diane bought.

Not really in the mood to type a lot, so I’ll just reserve my writing skills (?!) for another post.

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Usually it’s just untamed and frizzy all over but now it actually managed to look pretty good. Thank god I’m going to the mall with my cousins because now it won’t go to waste!

Since I’m very proud of it, I took a few more pics of this rare, good hair day occasion:

Please allow me this chance to be vain

I wish my hair was always this agreeable

Better entry to come soon, I promise.

Except for the part where I procrastinate. It’s been a bad habit of mine since the beginning, but it’s something that I’m trying to change. It’s my second year trying to use a planner to get my life a bit more organized, and it helps a lot especially for someone like me who forgets a lot of things and is easily distracted.

Sometimes it’s a problem to follow up on some stuff listed on my planner, but at least I wasn’t as bad as I used to be in terms of time scheduling. I’d like to think I’m improving, at least.

Distractions are very tempting, though, and I’m sure a lot of people would agree with me. For instance, right now I’ve been hooked on watching TV shows on YouTube. So yeah, they take up some of my time, but I figure that as long as I also get some things related to this website done, I’m not entirely wasting the day. Besides, people need distractions time and again so work won’t drive them crazy. As long as I finish what I need to do, that’s alright, isn’t it?

So! Speaking of my To-Do list, I need to style the comment section for this blog. So this entry ends here, hope everything works out, etc. Productivity, here I go!

As you can see, star-catcher.net has completely transformed into a personal blog and professional portfolio site. Right now you might be viewing a ready-made WordPress template; I hope that won’t be what you see for long, since I’m currently in the last phase of construction, which is adding new pages. Once that’s done, I can finally say that I’ve accomplished something aside from being a world-class procrastinator and nap expert.

That being the case, I think you can also safely assume that this entry is really not a “real” entry, but a “test” entry. Except that I don’t think I’ll be deleting it anytime soon, simply because I do quite like how I’ve written this, and because first entries like this should stay as a reminder and a small celebration of the opening of something new.